Filling in for Sam, whose disease riddled kids are likely whining all the way to his vacation destination, is Cecil of Cognitive Dissonance! This is a pretty big get for this show and we actually had to mortgage all our assets to pull it off. If Cecil isn’t a huge ratings boost we’re likely going into hiding because we borrowed some money from people who aren’t exactly member FDIC… But let’s stay positive here, it’s CECIL!
Check out the video of Eli’s terrible driving here: https://youtu.be/al1QMopxfUY
No, guys, the hot ticket is Emperor Donald and New Mexico governor Susana Martinez. Susana is the republican gubner that was to save us from ourselves, git some industry in here, goddammit, cut taxes on the billionaires and create some jobs, hallelujah! But . . .
There’s an age-old rivalry between New Mexico and Mississippi; we’re always dukin’ it out for worst place. One year New Mexico will have the highest unemployment in the nation, the next year it will be Mississippi. One year Mississippi will have the lowest high-school graduation rate, the next year it will be New Mexico. Well, Susana Martinez has, to our delight, been able to preserve this traditional rivalry. During her stint as gubner, neither New Mexico nor Mississippi has gotten noticeably better or worse than the other.
I don’t think Trump could do much better. Martinez is a “two boxer,” as we used to say in the Affirmative Action biz: female and Hispanic. Her performance as gubner has been undistinguished and almost nobody knows who she is (can you say “under the radar?”). Women and Hispanics would have to vote for her. So, unless Hilary picks Marco Rubio as her running mate, Trump-Martinez is the unbeatable ticket.